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'Coming Out'

 'Coming Out' is the common expression used in the wide lesbian and gay community to describe the stages of coming to terms with the fact that you have sexual and emotional feelings for someone of the same sex as yourself and telling others about it.

Some useful points about 'coming out'

• Your sexual orientation - who you are attracted to - is personal and should not be belittled or attacked.
• Until now society in general has expected that your sexual orientation will be towards the opposite sex - heterosexual - and the way society is run is based on that expectation.
• Recognition that you have sexual and emotional feelings for another person of the same sex can come at any age, and no age is easier than any other.
• You don't have to tell anyone how you feel, but if you decide to 'come out' the when and how should be up to you.
• Deciding that 'being true to yourself' is more important to you than than other people's possible discrimination and often requires bravery.
• The experience of telling someone else about your sexual orientation is something that no heterosexual has to undergo, and so often people seek support from others who are lesbian or gay, either friends or helplines.
• Blurting it out in an argument can be disastrous.
• 'Coming out' to family or/and parents is often a difficult challenge but preparation and research can help you to keep a clear head.
• Have support nearby for you and the listener to talk to, either locally or on the end of a phone - like the phone number of a helpline run by parents of other LGB people.
• Remember that in the same way that it took you time to sort things out in your head the listener also needs time.
• Deciding that 'being true to yourself' is more important to you than what others think is a brave act  - but the listener may not be as brave as you. They may have guessed about your sexuality and decided to keep quiet.
• If the listener rejects your news it is not necessarily a rejection of you but their fear of being rejected by society themselves.
• Be prepared for questions like: 'What did I do wrong?' 'Is it my fault?' Be prepared  to help the listener talk things through together.
• Be prepared for any reaction, people who you might think are homophobic can turn out to be more understanding than expected.
• Sometimes the fear of a bad reaction to your 'coming out' can be much worse than the reaction you do get.

Click here for further information on preparing for 'coming out' and possible reactions.

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